We expect people and circumstances to toe the line with our desires. Is this realistic? We have limited control over circumstances or natural events by man made with other people. People normally do the best they are capable of doing at that particular moment. Unexpected circumstances like natural disaster, flooding or political events happen over which we have little or no control.
When we expect circumstances or people to conform to our belief of what they should be or do, we set ourselves up for disappointment. People always have and always will do whatever they consider best for themselves or in which they are most interested. People may not always do what is best for themselves when they have other things which are of greater interest to them. For instance, a Mother will make sacrifices for the welfare of her children. An individual will make sacrifices for a cause in which that person strongly believes. Basically, however, we only do those things we consider to be in our own best interest. Why should we expect others to behave any differently? While it is true we can force others to do things we wish done, it is not permanent. The moment we relent they wi
ll revert to their original nature. This is totally ineffective and inefficient in our powers.
Paradoxically, a better way is to set the example for others to follow like denying the approval of land ownership at the Aberdeen area in conflict (ZONING) and hope the people would have seen the advantage of the Land Ministry which the ministry is really trying to emulate the zoning laws. The only way to get others to become what we wish them to be is to show them it is truly in their best interest to obey the Zoning Ordinance (if any). When you think about the flooding, the death toll and the displaced survivors, you always do your best at those things which hold your interest and undivided attention. We are not interested in what we do not enjoy. However, what about pain of some survivors? Pain may get our undivided attention, but our only interest is in getting rid of it as quickly as possible. Pain and pleasure are our greatest motivators. We will do just about anything to get rid of our pain or to gain pleasure within ourselves. We put much greater
effort into those things we enjoy and which are of interest to us.
At this point in time, when setting our expectations we can always prefer they happen as we wish. However, we should not unduly be disappointed if things do not conform to our desires. Preferring one thing to another does not set us up for as much disappointment as when we expect one particular thing to happen. We can always say that we would have preferred so-and-so to happen, but since it didn’t happen the way we want it, we can adjust to the other outcomes by using the Power of NO in first place.
The Power Of No! How often do we find ourselves in awkward situations in which we could have avoided simply by saying “no”? It is only after getting into those situations that we remember the simple act of saying “no” would have kept us totally out of them. The current natural disaster couldn’t have happened, if the citizenry of this country had obeyed the laws of the land (if any-ZONING, EASEMENT, PROTECTIVE COVENENT and EMINENT OF DOMAIN) and change their behavioral attitude. The much of lawlessness in their behavioral attitude, leads them to where others are in today nemesis.
At this point, your own time and peace of mind are invaluable. There are times when others are in such desperate need we would willingly take food away from our own children or take time we think we cannot spare to help them. However, you will find the greatest demand for your time and efforts come from those who are fully capable of doing or providing for themselves. It is simply easier for them to ask you to provide or do it for them. Some would consider it selfish to deny others. Which actually helps them the most? You either you to do it for them or you provide the help for them. Moreover, you want them to do or provide for themselves? It always returns to the old and proven saying that, “If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, but if you teach him how to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime.”
Moreover, you better serve yourselves and others when you make judicious use of the word “no”. If that word isn’t in your vocabulary you need to add it now. What really had happened, if some of these occupants were denied ownership of the land they occupied and “NO” to the issuance of the Building Permit, there could have been a human nature to seek the easy way out. The biggest problem with this approach is that it keeps us from growing and evolving into being all we are capable of being (politicking).
Conclusively, every time we do something for ourselves we better learn how to do it very good and it becomes easier. But when we find greater challenges, it will stretch us even further. It is when we are given a “no” to our requests that we find ways and means to fulfill them ourselves. It is not always comfortable to tell someone “no”. On the other hand, it becomes relatively comfortable when you look ahead to the consequences you will endure by saying “yes” to their requests. The next time you feel like you have to say “yes” to someone’s request for your time, money or efforts, think ahead to what you will feel like while going through the consequences of having said “yes”. If you find it will be more comfortable than saying “no”, then by all means, proceed with it. Otherwise, keep your “no” handy and use it.